| new rules for being my friend |
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| 11:49pm 09/02/2010 |
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1. i will care about you no more than you care about yourself.
2. i will care about you no more than you care about me.
3. i will care about you no more than i care about myself.
4. if you hate yourself i will hate you also.
5. if you have a problem with me and you don't talk to me about it, it's your problem.
6. if you want to have fun, let's have fun! it's not my job to force it on you. if you don't want to have fun, fuck off.
7. if you need advice or help getting your shit together after some misfortune i will probably help you. if you want sympathy or money i will distance myself from your toxic vampire ass. |
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| Happy VD from Laser Eye Removal. New track- 'lxve' |
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| 10:08pm 08/02/2010 |
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lyrics:
i don't know what your heart desires
mine wants to be destroyed
sprawled across a bed of illusory good intentions
seasoned propagandists for broken shit nobody wants
dressed in sexy faux-psychoanalization
obliterate ourselves together
no matter how close you get
i'm a million miles away
the me you know was born the day we met
and dies the day we remember that
lxve is pressure to stop the bleeding
http://virb.com/lasereyeremoval/audio/467877 |
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| urbandictionary.com just made my lifetime |
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| 09:47pm 04/02/2010 |
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"1. cale
v. To loathe humanity with the white-hot intensity of a thousand suns; to expect and receive disappointment, pain, misery, and despair; hatred bordering on insanity
He Caled the very sight of that maternity ward"
It also says "gay god" next to my name at the top for some reason... perhaps synonyms? |
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| stress relief |
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| 08:09pm 01/02/2010 |
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i was stuck in downtown SF traffic for over an hour trying to cross 5 blocks full of idiots blocking every intersection. i decided to cope with this by releasing pure hate in music form, rather than killing someone.
i give you my latest track- '2nd st and folsom'.
http://virb.com/lasereyeremoval/audio/466486
i'm surprised i didn't damage my drum kit or break a guitar string. now i'm smoking a cigarette and basking in the afterglow. |
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| 05:07am 23/01/2010 |
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car accident ftw... totally my fault too. lame. i just HAD to scrape a fucking lexus. i gave all my info and arranged to pay for the repainting (no dents luckily) and hopefully can fix this without involving insurance. |
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| Yup... officially immune |
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| 03:03pm 21/01/2010 |
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No nicotine withdrawals whatsoever, and if the amount of smoking I was doing for months didn't get me hooked nothing will.
So, I am pretty much immune to nicotine addiction. It is confirmed that I can smoke up to three packs a day (cloves mind you, so perhaps the equivalent of two packs of regular cigs?) without developing a chemical dependency. Jealous? |
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| Nature has no purpose |
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| 09:26pm 20/01/2010 |
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I'm fed up with the argument against homosexuality which treats 'nature' and 'biology' as a sort of god figure, and asserts that homosexuality is 'wrong' because it defies the biological imperative to survive and reproduce, thus violating the purpose of our existence.
There are so many things wrong with this argument, and I could nitpick a whole list of them if I wanted to, but instead I'm going to strike at the core and assert that nature has no inherent purpose.
"But what about survival and reproduction?"
Why is that our purpose? Because species who survive and reproduce are rewarded with... survival and reproduction? That is just the nature of survival, it is it's own reward. It doesn't mean we have an ordained purpose to survive.
Maybe our purpose is to die out, and species that survive and reproduce are 'violating' the natural order by failing to do so. Sound absurd? No more or less absurd than saying our purpose is to survive.
Yes, we have genetic instructions to survive, yes survival is it's own reward, but that says nothing of purpose. Naturally genetic instructions to survive will out-live genetic instructions to sit about idly waiting to die, but it really is that simple. People seem to over-complicate natural selection in their minds.
Nature, as far as I can tell, is an expression of chaos. We are part of nature, and nothing we can ever do will ever 'violate' nature, because nature itself is defined by our actions. When the first winged creature took flight was that a violation of nature, because no other creature had done it before? Of course not. And why take issue with homosexuality, a phenomena found widely throughout the animal kingdom, and not with all the other 'unnatural' things which ONLY humans do?
I suspect most of these douche bags are just Christians hiding the true motivation for their bigotry behind 'nature'. Seriously, what kind of moron would actually view the biological imperative as a moral commandment?
"Hey guys, sex for pleasure is out. All the men, go forth find the nearest female to rape and impregnate. Repeat this process until something kills you, Nature commands it!".
I've said it before and I'll say it again- Fuck nature. =P |
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| Immune to nicotine addiction? Really? |
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| 08:25pm 20/01/2010 |
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After smoking cloves heavily for the last 8 months, and chain smoking up to 3 packs a DAY for the last three months (yeah I really let myself go), I decided to stop and see how bad the withdrawals are. Well, it's been almost 48 hours since my last smoke and I still feel perfectly fine.
Could I have so much nicotine in my system that it will take more than two days to begin feeling withdrawals? I like the idea of being immune, but it seems too good to be true.
If it is true, then I really CAN quit whenever I want. Heh. |
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| I posted a personal ad on Craigslist |
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| 10:14pm 19/01/2010 |
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http://sfbay.craigslist.org/eby/m4w/1559478951.html
swm seeking hot, psychotic female to destroy my mind and soul - 25 (oakland west)
Are you a thin, attractive female between the ages of 20-35?
Are you intelligent and reasonably informed and opinionated?
Do you have a history of severe mental illness?
Are you an incredibly self-centered person, bordering on sociopathic?
Do you have a good sense of humor?
Are you a compulsive liar?
Are you addicted to hard drugs?
Do you have an extensive vocabulary and use it eloquently?
Do you have an eating disorder?
Are you a spoiled brat with an Electra complex?
Are you now or have you ever been a prostitute?
If you said yes to more than a few of those questions you might be the girl for me.
Allow me to describe what I consider the ideal relationship:
First we'll take things slow. This gives us time to get to know the artificial personalities we will both create for the purpose of manipulating one another into believing we are compatible, trustworthy, decent human beings. I'm not talking about sex- ideally we'd have crazy, dysfunctional sex ASAP before we become so close that it is difficult to dissociate during the act. Once our new personalities have been fully formed- carefully tailored to cater to even our most petty insecurities- we can begin to weaken and destabilize one another and move to the next level: fighting constantly about nothing.
I'm not looking for a physical fight, that's too easy. I'm looking for a girl who can find my deepest psychological weaknesses and exploit them for her own gain. Despite being self-centered you must be utterly emotionally and financially dependent on others for your existence. Nothing turns me on like a beautiful, selfish woman reacting to what she perceives to be a hopelessly desperate situation. I want someone who needs me and resents me for it. I can reciprocate. We'll fight over the most trivial things imaginable, and then we'll childishly retaliate and pick the scabs to keep older fights going indefinitely. Ideally you'll make a mental list of everything I've ever done to upset you and, regardless of whether I've apologized, go down the entire list every time you're miffed about anything. We'll have quick, angry sex and fall asleep facing away from one another and thinking about the people we'd rather be sleeping with instead.
I'll put you on a pedestal and rationalize everything you say and do to preserve the archetypal image of women that sustains my last, tiny thread of hope keeping me from succumbing to the futility of existence and killing myself. When I talk to my friends about you I will censor and distort information to keep them convinced that you are a not a psychotic whore. They don't know you like I will, so they won't understand that despite the fact that you will lie, cheat, steal, guilt trip and generally make me your emotional slave, you're really a good person underneath. This applies only to the early phases of the relationship when I still have friends, but when we're both ready you can help me get rid of them.
I enjoy video games, comedies and horror flicks, music, and isolating myself from the world with my significant other while she talks shit about everyone who legitimately cares about me in order to strategically distance me from sane/healthy social connections.
I also have too much money, and need someone who will relieve me of that burden. I don't like to think about finances, it's stressful for me, so preferably you will help by regularly taking some off my hands when I'm not looking rather than asking me for money to support your drug habit. Take money from my wallet when I'm in the shower, or 'borrow' my debit card. Get creative, surprise me. You can get my PIN by feeding me too much ecstasy, petting me like a kitty and convincing me to share all my personal financial information as a trust exercise to prove my love for you.
E-mail me with a pic and description of yourself. If I can hear what is left of my self worth and common sense screaming in terror I'll give you a call. Perhaps we can meet up for coffee? Looking forward to meeting you. =) |
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| Further preparations for LER |
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| 08:07pm 18/01/2010 |
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Uploaded an example of my typical LER jam session. This is how I come up with musical ideas, some of which I will probably integrate into real tracks. I jammed randomly on drums, then did the same with bass and guitar in that order. All instruments were recorded in a single unrehearsed take.
http://virb.com/lasereyeremoval/audio/464136 |
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| Why I'm not allowed to date anymore |
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| 08:44pm 14/01/2010 |
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I'm attracted to the most horrible traits in women. Someone posted a video of a 'dumb chick' being interviewed after she was caught stealing $150 from a nine year old girl scout selling cookies.
"Why would you do that?"
"Uh, money? Who doesn't like money? I saw the money, I took it, and it became mine."
"But it was just a nine year old girl, a lot of people think that is especially heartless..."
"It wasn't even her money" *casually sips iced coffee* "Her mom was with her and she wasn't even watching it, so she's stupid. Besides, that little girl is getting LOTS of money now that everyone feels so bad for her, she should be thanking me."
"Don't you feel bad?"
"Yeah I feel bad, they took the money back and they're STILL filing charges. I would have kept the money if I knew they were going to charge me anyway".
Oh look at you with your adorable, selfish, twisted logic and complete lack of remorse. Just wait til you're a little older, dye your hair and get into drugs. I know of a good nursery where we can score some cash and then- *ahem*
See? No dating for me. |
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| Misconceptions about capitalism among 'capitalists' |
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| 02:19pm 14/01/2010 |
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I keep seeing conservatives ranting on the glorious ideals of capitalism, and referring to themselves as 'capitalists', while seemingly misunderstanding what it is they are upholding. Many seem to think that capitalism is simply an economic system which rewards those who put in the most hard work and contribute the most to society. This certainly applies to SOME degree in most capitalist systems, especially when compared to communist states, but that is not the embodiment of what capitalism is. In fact, in terms of the people who reap the most benefits in capitalist systems, nearly the complete opposite is true.
A capitalist in the truest sense of the word is a person who is allowed to profit NOT from their hard work and contributions to society per se, but from their capital. If your income is the result of hard work, you are not a true capitalist, but you are probably working for one. Capitalism is simply an economic system in which private individuals are allowed to profit from ownership, be it ownership of property, business, investments, etc.
And where do people get the notion that capitalism embodies a system of ethics? There is a certain free market ethos behind the formation of the system, but the system says nothing of how one is to treat people, or what sort of political ideologies one should get behind, or even that one should be patriotic. It merely says you should be free to profit by ownership, and the market should be driven by competition (more profit = better). That's it. America may embrace capitalism, but capitalism pledges allegiance only to the almighty dollar, as evidenced by many American corporations' support of America AND Nazi Germany, even after we entered the war.
Ideals of personal liberty and freedom in a non-economic sense are simply not part of capitalism. The Bill of Rights is not a capitalist declaration. I know I shouldn't have to point this out, but I have seen such an influx of ignorance on the right (usually the same folks who grossly misunderstand socialism, Marxism, fascism and pretty much every economic and political system you can think of) about this that I feel the need to state the obvious.
Of course I could always have misconceptions of my own, but this is my understanding of what capitalism entails. Feel free to correct me if I'm wrong or missing something. |
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| the fucking world ends |
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| 03:54pm 07/01/2010 |
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my band has a myspace page now:
http://www.myspace.com/thefuckingworldends
all the tracks on there are just excerpts from one of our first jam sessions. yeah they're sloppy but it's COMPLETELY improvised and unrehearsed. we are going to kick so much ass with a little more practice. i'm the drummer, btw. |
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| I hate love? The most oddly depressing dream ever |
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| 02:21pm 05/01/2010 |
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throughout the course of the night i had a series of incredibly vivid dreams. nothing fucked up happened in these dreams, for the most part they all consisted of me hanging out with my good friends and having fun. i had an amazing jam session with my band mates, went out for dinner and drinks with some other friends, etc.
woman after woman approached me to profess their love for me, especially women who i've had unreciprocated feelings for. they all poured their hearts out and confessed that they had always secretly loved me, and they could contain themselves no longer. in this dream i could have pretty much been with any woman i wanted.
that's all i remember of these dreams, and yet i have NEVER been so depressed from a dream, ever. i slept 10 hours, and even then it was hard to force myself to get out of bed. even now life feels incredibly bleak... but why? why didn't i enjoy being surrounded with good friends who truly care about me and amazing women who sincerely love me? i've had dreams in which i was tortured to death which i found more pleasant.
i can only hope that tomorrow i will dream that all my friends betray me and conspire to murder me, i'll bet that would cheer me up. |
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| 04:19pm 01/01/2010 |
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i dreamt i was driving down a very steep hill somewhere in the east bay discussing my vacation plans with a passenger. the hill was the steepest i'd ever seen, with big ledges you had to drive over at the right speed to avoid scraping the bottom of your vehicle. i don't know why, but the fact that i was going on vacation was the most sorrowful thing in the world, and i was extremely depressed about it. it was as if i had been taking the same exact vacation every year for a thousand years.
i found myself on a hillside in the woods where there were a lot of trees and cabins. perhaps this was my vacation? it started raining heavily, and the sight of the place under an overcast sky, rooftops and roads glistening in the rain struck me as the most beautiful thing i had ever seen in my life. it was so beautiful it hurt, and i ached to have someone there with me to share in the vision. the pain of it was unbearable, i felt like i was suffocating.
at this point the rain became more and more intense until there was an immense landslide. i had to run down the steep hill, sliding through mud and occasionally climbing over the angled roofs of the cabins. this seemed to go on forever, and was oddly similar to the beginning of the dream when i was negotiating my car down a steep hill with the exception of the flood of water, mud and miscellaneous forest items looming behind me.
after running from the landslide for what seemed like an eternity i suddenly found myself in front of a cabin, still in the woods but the rain was gone and everything was dry. the sun was out and the terrain was completely flat in all directions, the landslide had vanished.
on the front porch of the cabin there were a lot of strange stuffed animals that seemed to be woven out of a rough material like straw, and every time i glanced at them they would morph into different animals. i felt a sort of presence from them, as though they were alive somehow.
so, happy new year. |
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| to the guy who stole my debit card number |
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| 12:55pm 24/12/2009 |
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i hope you enjoy your $2500 paint job you purchased at an auto shop in macon, GA, courtesy of bank of america. could you think of nothing better to use my card on? come on man, get creative next time. merry christmas, asshole. =P |
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| My Mom is crazier than yours episode #51367850 |
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| 05:50pm 21/12/2009 |
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I remember as a kid my mother used to bake a birthday cake for Jesus every year on Christmas, with "Happy Birthday Jesus!" written in icing, candles and everything. Then she would have us gather around and SING happy birthday... to Jesus. |
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dissolvedego's journal